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The Moon Is Fake

by Rachel A. Schrock

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1.
National Discount Candy Day 01:48
lyrics
Rollin' up to the Walgreens (Walgreens!) It's February 15; you know what that means Give the cashier a great big smile As you walk into the candy aisle Lindt, Godiva, and Russell Stover All marked down, since Valentines' over You're still single, but that's okay It's National Discount Candy Day National Discount Candy Day National Discount Candy Day You're single and lonely, but that's okay It's National Discount Candy Day Valentines' Snickers, two for one Selling conversation hearts by the ton These lollipops are stuck to cards But getting them off won't be that hard This box of chocolates is only two bucks Get ten to forget how much your love life sucks You're still single, but that's okay It's National Discount Candy Day National Discount Candy Day National Discount Candy Day You're single and lonely, but that's okay It's National Discount Candy Day Get yourself a teddy and some Reese's Don't forget to stock up on those gummies While you're there, get an electric toothbrush And a copy of Magic Mike on DVD National Discount Candy Day National Discount Candy Day You're single and lonely, but that's okay It's National Discount Candy Day
2.
A Song for the LGBT+ Community 02:10
lyrics
Gay people can be serial killers, too Gay people can be serial killers, too Don't forget about Jeffrey Dahmer I ship him with the Unabomber Gay people can be serial killers, too Trans people can be serial killers, too Trans people can be serial killers, too No matter how you identify You can murder someone and eat their eyes Trans people can be serial killers, too Asexuals can be serial killers, too Asexuals can be serial killers, too You don't need to feel the urge To live each day like it's the Purge Asexuals can be serial killers, too Pansexuals can be serial killers, too Pansexuals can be serial killers, too You love people, not their parts So literally steal their hearts Pansexuals can be serial killers, too Bisexuals can be serial killers, too Bisexuals can be serial killers, too Sexuality's on a spectrum So rip your victims from nose to rectum Bisexuals can be serial killers, too You can be a serial killer, too You can be a serial killer, too It's been the domain of straight, white men But you can kill and then kill again Yes, you can be a serial killer, too
3.
Spot 02:39
lyrics
You're wondering where your puppy went I have good news for you He's still alive, he's doing fine So kid, don't look so blue You might not see him e'er again Cuz he went into hiding But let me tell you all about Where your doggy's residing... Spot is living it up with Elvis Presley He's on a farm with David Bowie Kurt Cobain's his dog masseur And he's walked by Tupac Shakur And you know Spot still loves you But he had to go away So he could play fetch with Andy Kaufman every day But rest assured that they're all still alive Spot, Jim Morrison, and Lisa Left-Eye Now Spot hangs out with Biggie They jump and laugh and play He eats only gourmet treats Prepared by Anthony Bourdain He's taking lots of car rides With his new chauffeur, James Dean And Marilyn told him the truth About the moon landing Spot is living it up with Elvis Presley He's on a farm with David Bowie Kurt Cobain's his dog masseur And he's walked by Tupac Shakur And you know Spot still loves you But he had to go away So he could play fetch with Whitney Houston every day They're all still alive and having fun Spot and Natalie Wood and John Lennon You might be asking why Your puppy had to hide He's such a good boy What did he do wrong? Well, Spot, he sniffed around And found things that should not be found Thank God, before the Deep State got here He was gone... Now Spot's living it up with Elvis Presley He's on a farm with David Bowie Kurt Cobain's his dog masseur And he's walked by Tupac Shakur And you know Spot still loves you But he had to go away So he could play fetch with Janis Joplin every day But rest assured that they're all still alive Spot and Jimi Hendrix And Prince and River Phoenix And Anna Nicole Smith and Princess Di
4.
TMIF (BMLFYIR) 02:55
lyrics
There's nothing I would rather do Than sit under the stars with you And hold hands while the night passes by You can smooch me while I swoon And we can look up at the moon Though the moon's just a projection in the sky It may be an illusion, but it fills me with such zeal The moon is fake, but my love for you is real Long ago, lovers looked out At the same sky we look at now And wondered at the beauty of the night We don't wonder, God forbid Cuz we know better than they did The Illuminati can't control our minds Everybody has a price, ask Michael, Buzz, and Neil The moon is fake, but my love for you is real It's all a plot by the Government To profit off the space program Beyoncé knows, and she's just telling lies But we will not be taken in The moon is just a hologram Trump's gonna break, and tell us all in time There may have been something else up there Before the Lizard People made the moon Or maybe all those documents were falsified One thing that I know for sure Is I don't love no one but you And also, there is no such thing as tides Oh Kennedy was a liar; that's why Marilyn tried to squeal The moon is fake, but my love for you is real The moon is fake, but my love for you is real

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released August 23, 2019

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Rachel A. Schrock Chicago, Illinois

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